Today, it’s bad. It’s not a good day for me, or for the people around me. I tend to let my feelings easily affect my behavior, and most of the time, it doesn’t work out too well.
I think of my younger self, how I would have handled setbacks like the one I faced this week before and I am proud of how I’ve changed. It’s hard to hear that mistakes help us grow and that you can take away good things out of bad experiences, most of the time, but it’s true. I am the mistakes I made and I made a lot of them when I was younger and I make just as many now – just different ones.
I feel myself growing stronger by the day. But when I think I’ve mastered a challenge, the next one is thrown at me. There are intermissions of course.
Kairosclerosis – That’s the word for that special moment, the one where you suddenly realize, oh, you are content and happy and then go and pick it apart, like we humans tend to do, until it is nothing more than a faint aftertaste of what could have been. But those moments are precious and far and in-between. These are the times we realize, that though not everything might be perfect, everything is kinda okay-ish, maybe even good. And we’re happy with the way things are going, and at the same time aware of how this, like nothing, will last. You know, ultimately, that someday, you will be sad again.
Those moments, they are rare and have to be cherished. Because realizing how happy we are, that is the most precious thing in the world.
People tend to focus on the bad things. Let’s focus on change instead. The change we go through, when we learn from our mistakes. The change that occurs when we grow from them, grow out of our problems and into our skin. How long did it take me to realize that we are pliable, that we have the ability to form around our experiences and let them change us for the better.
Change is terrifying, but change is also good, change is – most of all and utterly undoubtable – everpresent and unstoppable. Who I am now is not who I will be tomorrow and still, it will shape my being, will knead me into the person I’ll become.
I understand now, better, who I am. I also understand that I am a work in progress. I am not finished and I never will be.
And the things that go wrong are opportunities to learn from.